That second year of every child's life is supposed to be the killer one, right? I mean, the year has gotten so bad historically that someone gave the entire 365 days a special name - The Terrible Two's.
I don't have any two-year-olds living in my house right now. But I have this one kid, who is NOT two, mind you, who spent her day trying to live like a legendary Terrible Two.
After breakfast I stepped into the bathroom. (Uh-oh. I should know better than to do that, right?) When I emerged, mere mili-seconds later, I heard Piper making interesting sounds in the other part of our house. I walked down the hall and noticed that the door to the kids' bathroom was shut and the Piper Finn noises were coming from behind a closed door. Never good. Piper was sitting on the floor holding two saltine crackers, one graham cracker and two lollipops. What? I let her finish the graham cracker (it was already half-consumed anyway) and confiscated the saltines and the lollipops.
A short time later while I was nursing Otto a few summer staffers dropped in for a quick visit. I could see all of the children at the art table, playing with stamps and creating birthday cards with our guests. I must have blinked or something. When Piper stood up from the table her arms were brown. From marker. Lots of marker.
Otto spits up, I take him into his room to change his clothes and when I come out of the room Piper is standing at the kitchen counter, ferociously chewing several pieces of gum. Uh, I sound like a really distracted parent right now. But I'm telling you, Piper has never even touched the gum/candy bowl that has been sitting in the same place on our counter since she we moved here over a year ago.
After happily spitting her gum in the trash can she bounds off for another room and comes back wearing my Canon digital camera around her neck. Umm, bad idea.
(This is really just one morning with just one kid.)
Maybe some time passes, I don't even know any longer. Mosely comes running in to tell me that Piper has discovered the toilet bowl scrub brush and is scrubbing the toilet. I go investigate. Apparently, by "scrubbing the toilet" Mosely meant "splashing toilet water all over the bathroom floor". Nice.
Other bizarre events might or might not have occurred later in the day. It's all a blur to me right now.
Terrible Two's? I don't think I'm ready for this.